Other bashing "Stuff" 002

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but
they just went on through. 

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it.
I could have sworn we just went through a red light." 

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light 
was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger
seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned
that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. 

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did
you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!" 

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?" 

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.      

She told my sister that she needed something from the store. 
 
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a
Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and  re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the
bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove
the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.      
 
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.      

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep..................SHE'S       BLONDE!

INNER BLONDE QUIZ

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long
would it be before all the pills taken?

3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to
sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?

4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?

6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater,
an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?

7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a
southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?

8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?

9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?

10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up
7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4
more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver?

ANSWERS

1. All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.

2. 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock,
they will be taken in 1 hour.

3. 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.

4. 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.

5. 9 live sheep.

6. The match.

7. White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.

8. 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

9. None. It was Noah, not Moses.

10. YOU are the driver.

Grading Scale (out of 10)
10 Genius
9 Mensa Member
8 Engineer
7 Student
6 High school pupil
5 Primary school pupil
4 Teacher
3 College lecturer
2 University lecturer
1 Member of Congress
0 Blonde