Kids "Stuff" 002

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A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the  first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
"I Went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.  Use Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a Ride on a choo choo."
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.  You must remember to use "Big People' words."
She then asked little Alex what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said.  "What book did You read?"

Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

How Babies are Delivered

This is a really helpful photo for any of you who have kids,
grandkids, nieces, nephews, or godchildren.

Eventually, you'll have to face the "where do babies come
from?" issue, and this picture is definitely worth a thousand words.

But prepare yourself -- it's pretty explicit!

You might want to look at it privately before
sharing it with the children in your life.

Fresh Minds See Things Differently - a child's point of view:

1. NUDITY - I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the
convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the  shock,
I heard my 5-year old shout from the back seat, "Mom!  that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2. OPINIONS - On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed  by this child are not necessarily those of his parents"

3. KETCHUP - A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone
rang, so she asked her 4-year old daughter to answer the phone.  "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now. "She's hitting the bottle."

4. MORE NUDITY - A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he
was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.  The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's  the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5. POLICE #1 - While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"

6. POLICE #2 - It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I
gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,  Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?"
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7. ELDERLY - While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins I used to
take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
never believe this!"

8. DRESS-UP - A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning
his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

9. DEATH - While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning
of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting.
They dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his
version of what he thought his father always sang:
"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and into the hole he goes."

10. SCHOOL - A little girl had just finished her first week of school, I'm just wasting my time,"
she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11. BIBLE  - A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through
the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at
it. What he saw was on old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear."

Sometimes the best lesson in life comes from the innocent minds of
children yet unaltered by today's society.

What does Love mean?  A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name
is safe in their mouth." 
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a  girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and
smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them
give you any of theirs."
Chrissy -age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him,
to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to
be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" 
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they
know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people
watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that. I wasn't
scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." 
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out
and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
(what an imagination) Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.  But if you mean it,
you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- 

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.  The winner was a four
year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost
his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to
the neighbor, the  little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they may be needing this day!
And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power.  Amen.

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