Why you can't proof read your own work All of these are legitimate companies, as of 1/31/2007, that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread. These are not made up. Check them out online 1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2 Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time) Law of Close Encounters : The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DONT MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer woul d be along w hen available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Talking Pennsylvanian ... Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian! About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly" and New Jersey has always been " Jersey" You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay). How many other states do that? "You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Didyoueatyet?) You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, the Pocono's, Tamaqua, Tunkannock, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne and Monongahela. You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade. You know what "Punxsutawney Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow. The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays. You know how to get 'rid' of things and how to read up. You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye. You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila." At least five people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long. You know what a "Hex sign" is. You know what a "State Store" is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart. You own only 4 condiments: salt, pepper, mustard and ketchup. Words like "hoagie," "crick," "chipped ham," "sticky buns," "shoo-fly pie," "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you. That's PA slang for purse! You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Those from NY find this "barbaric.") You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold. You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage and Hot Bacon Dressing. You can eat a cold soft pretzel from a street vendor without fear and enjoy it. It almost always comes with mustard. You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and know that you can't get a really good one out side PA, except Atlantic City on the boardwalk. You live for summer, when street and county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season. Customers ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast. You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns. (and the first three were consecutive stops on the Reading RR) You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is. You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits. A traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway in Lancaster County You know several people who have hit deer more than once. You carry jumper cables in your car and your female passengers know how to use them. You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, de-icer, or a snowbrush in your trunk, even if you now live in the south. Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow. As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were. Your graduating class consisted of mostly Polish, German, and Italian names. You also know someone who lives "down the lane". You actually understand all this and send it on to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians!