Funny "Stuff" 008

BACK   Bottom of Page   HOME

This is a quiz for people who know everything!
These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

Answers To Quiz
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends; boxing 2. North American landmark constantly moving backward; Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.) 3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons; asparagus and rhubarb 4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside; strawberry 5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.) 6. Three English words beginning with "dw"; dwarf, dwell and dwindle 7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar; period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses 8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh; lettuce (sometimes it's sold rotten) 9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s"; shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts

After much urging by his wife, my Uncle Joe applied for
work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try
and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool
and a bucket.

An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the
bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other.

"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained.  "The worst
part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"

A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday
mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly
gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see
you at services with your good wife!"

"Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice.
I'd rather hear your sermon than hers."

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to
leave his seat in the restaurant to make a
phone call.  Since he didn't want
anyone to take his drink, he took a paper
napkin, wrote on it, "The world's
strongest weightlifter," and left it under
his glass.

When he returned from making his
call, the glass was empty.  Under it
was a new napkin with new writing
that said:  "Thanks for the treat!"
It was signed, "The world's fastest

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have
a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she
decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes
by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's
thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once
more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched
to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The
manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the
floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a

Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to

be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.  Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:


Scotch and soda,


Vodka and Tonic,


lobster or crab legs,

the remote control,

bowl of ice cream,

the sports page,


or sex should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and

attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________

Date: ______/________/_____________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.

BACK   Top of Page   HOME