Male Bashing "Stuff" 002
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(dumb??) Blonde in a Casino
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman from Florida arrived ... and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.
'With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come on, baby ... Southern Girl needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down ... and squealed ... 'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers ... and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared a each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know ... I thought you were watching.
'Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid.Not all blondes are dumb.But, all men ... are men'
THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!
This picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a
company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP,
he went to buy a camera to take pictures.
The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust.
The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of
the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed .
The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver.
While the plywood and 2X4's are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains
- are you ready for this? - 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each.
They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear
shocks were driven through the floorboard.
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and
scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me
ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next?
John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard
calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new
Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a coffee break,
but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come
back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
So I did."
(Are women good or what?)
Ed was in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I
expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds
AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out
the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday.
Good Apples and Fine Wine
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that
aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along,
the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit
out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Share this with all the good apples and fine wines you know.
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just
as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman
go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
See, men just don't listen !
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